Bedtime
Why is bedtime so rough and why does sleep matter so much?
Let’s let this scene play out—put yourself in it if you can relate.
We’ve got Anna at the age of 8 (or 18, it all still applies).
It’s Friday night, and you have a family game night. Everyone is up late. Your little sweetie is up way past bedtime, but it’s a special occasion. Maybe she sleeps in on Saturday a little, but more than likely not because those little inner clocks work well at young ages.
Saturday night, your wee one has a sleepover planned. The parents promise to make them go to sleep. But come on, it’s a sleepover. They play video games until bedtime, which is already late by an hour or two because… it’s a sleepover. Then they stay up whispering and giggling for another hour. Now on Sunday, you have a grouch on your hands. Bedtime on Sunday night is rough. They can’t seem to get to sleep.
Monday morning rolls around, and your kiddo has missed 4-6 hours of sleep, maybe even more. If this happened every now and then, it wouldn’t really be a problem. But for many families, it happens almost every weekend. For many families, the weekly schedule is already overburdened with homework, sports, and other activities, so your child doesn’t always get the sleep they need during the week.
At this point, we are beginning to talk about a sleep deficit. Sleep deficits do crazy things to our brains. Children and adults have a more difficult time controlling their emotions and behavior. And my friends, sleep begets sleep. So likely, bedtime is getting harder and harder.
So back to Anna. Monday morning at school, everyone is a little bleary-eyed, but Anna’s brain is still in a state of slumber. She is working just to keep her eyes open; not much learning is going to happen today. 8-year-old Anna still needs 9-12 hours of sleep (18-year-old Anna needs around 8-10).
If Anna missed 6 hours over the weekend and typically gets an hour or so less per weeknight than is recommended, add that up over a year—we could be looking at a lack of over 600 hours! This chronic sleep deprivation can lead to a host of problems beyond just being tired.
You can find countless articles about the effects of sleep debt or deprivation:
Anxiety
Excessive stress
Uncontrolled crying
Behavioral outbursts
Falling behind in school
These are just a few that you might start to notice. If you are starting to notice these, it’s time to look at sleep.
Sleep deprivation can also impact physical health. Studies have shown that children who do not get enough sleep are at a higher risk for obesity, diabetes, and weakened immune systems. Lack of sleep affects the body’s ability to regulate hunger and metabolism, leading to increased cravings for unhealthy foods. Additionally, insufficient sleep can impair the body’s ability to fight off infections, making children more susceptible to illnesses.
So, how do we fix it? Setting a good bedtime routine will be the best place to start. This will help your child get to sleep faster and gain greater benefit from the hours spent in bed. Start by turning off all screens one hour before bed. Turn lights down and start using quiet voices. Brush teeth, wash face, put on pajamas, set out clothes for tomorrow, talk about the day tomorrow, talk about daily gratitudes, and read a book together. Do these same things nightly at around the same time.
Creating a relaxing bedtime environment can also make a significant difference. Make sure the bedroom is cool, quiet, and dark. Consider using blackout curtains and a white noise machine if needed. A comfortable mattress and cozy bedding can also help your child feel more relaxed and ready for sleep.
If your child wakes up a lot at night, try bumping bedtime earlier by about 15 minutes and see if that changes things. As I said, sleep begets sleep. Often when they get more, they may need more for a time.
It’s also important to model good sleep habits yourself. Children learn by observing the adults in their lives. If they see you prioritizing sleep and following a consistent bedtime routine, they are more likely to adopt those habits themselves.
You can do this, start by incorporating calming activities before bed, such as gentle stretches, a warm bath, or listening to soothing music. These activities can signal to the body that it’s time to wind down and prepare for sleep. Avoid stimulating activities, like watching TV or playing video games, as they can make it harder for you to fall asleep.
The experts always say to make bedtime be at the same time. This expert agrees but with some exceptions. Enjoy family time and the occasional sleepover. Once a week, let bedtime go, but the rest of the week, protect it like it’s your child’s lifeline.
Remember, establishing healthy sleep habits takes time and consistency. Be patient and persistent, and gradually, you’ll see improvements in your child’s sleep patterns and overall well-being.
You got this!!! 🫶
PS If you’d like to do deeper into helping our child and family get a good night’s sleep - head over here and check out my Bedtime Harmony training.
