Happiness

This one is for the mommas - and how we can best take care of ourselves to pass on happiness to our kids.

What is happiness anyway? You can be “happy” with someone's behavior, “happy” with a job well done, “happy” for others. BUT really - what does our own happiness even mean?

As a mom we give and give and give and sometimes we lose ourselves in the process. For myself and many of my friends, we are in the era of empty nesting or seeing it real close on the horizon. In this case we have had the same job/goal for the past 18+ years. 

That goal - raise our kids to be the best they can be. During those years we often set ourselves off to the side to get the job done. We are nothing if not truly giving and selfless. 💗

BUT…I’m wondering now, on the verge of my home becoming me, the dogs and my hubby…did I take care of ME enough? Did I follow my happiness? Do I remember what brings me joy beyond the happiness of my children?🥺

You are in the thick of it still - but here is what I wish someone had said to me. 

Write down a list of times that you were truly happy. What activities were you doing? Who were you with? Is there a way to add some of that back into your life? 

For instance - I love laughing with people and I have VERY fond memories of sitting around a campfire playing mad libs. So guess what - I’m freaking doing this. EASY. (Might just be me and dogs - but that’s ok - maybe my laughter will draw some moody pre-adults out to play with me.) 

If I had been asked to write a list of what made me happy or brought me joy a few years ago I’m not sure I could have thought of anything besides things having to do with my kids. BUT I’ve now realized I need to go further back - it’s hard to think BK. (Before Kids.) Look back at photos, what lit you up, what brought you joy. YOU! Not what brings joy to your kids - I know when they are lit up so are you. BUT this is about you. It doesn’t have to be big and flashy - honestly  - we don’t have time for big and flashy.

✨Was it completing a marathon - sign up for a 5k. ✨Was it being out on the town with friends - set a monthly date. ✨Was it camping under the stars - set up a tent in the back yard and bring your kids along. ✨Was it sitting in a coffee shop reading a book - set aside even a half hour once a week. 👊

We find it hard to add anything else to our schedule. I know. There are drop offs, games, birthday parties, homework, bandaids to apply and tears to wipe away. I know. AND taking that time might feel a little selfish. ❤️

BUT I ask you - we want our kids to find their joy, right?  Wouldn’t it be so cool to have them reflect on their childhood and see you running a 5k, or your big shelf of books you’ve read, or hear your laughter that wasn’t only inspired by them. Our kids learn from what we do and if we teach them the importance of setting aside a little time to re-engage with our happiness - it will rub off and therefore is far from selfish. 🙌

With that in mind - what if you start to help your children recognize things that bring them joy. Acknowledge it - help them to see they can do more of the things that bring happiness into their lives as well. 

It’s WAY too easy to set our needs aside- sadly. One day you wake up and your kiddo pushes you away and you don’t really know what to do with your time. That’s how it's supposed to be. In order for them to figure out their own life - they have to go live it. BUT it’s a lot like being laid off from a job that you loved. When we dropped my son off at college I felt like the dumped girlfriend who was still hanging on. “Will he text me? Can I text now, is it too soon?” 

Find your spark, your joy. Go back through your photos until you see a photo of you with a genuine ear to ear smile. What were you doing?  Do that, do more of that. 💗

I’d love to hear what you discover. Reach out.