How to teach kindness - it’s not something you’re just born with.
Kindness is a skill. Just like other skills that our kiddos can be taught - math, science, art. Your child needs to be expressly taught kindness. Of course if you are kind and they see genuine kindness in their day-to-day life they will likely pick up on it.💗
Let’s talk about the opposite scenario. 🙁 When we lack kindness we are cruel. We lack empathy and awareness of those around us. It can be part of a narcissistic personality. “Narcissism” is thrown around a lot these days - and it’s not something we EVER want said about our children.
Instead we want kind, empathetic, and compassionate children. YES they can have drive, be determined and doggedly work toward their goals. But to be a kind and empathic CEO of a company - you can rule the world. 💪
In movies we see the people at the top as ruthless. They win by being a lone wolf, not caring about others, and stepping on those around them. (Until the very last few minutes in which they make up with their estranged parents, take in a shelter puppy, and marry their high school sweetheart.)
In real life we also see some very rich CEO’s get into philanthropy, but it’s hard to see if behind the curtain are they actually kind or are they making up for wrongs in their past and someone told them they’d be forgiven by the public if they started giving away 1% of their wealth.
But what if you could raise your child to NOT only be a badass but also to just be kind. So that the people around them felt their love and honesty and they in turn gave love back. I don’t think all our children need to grow up to be leaders but some are and it would sure be great if they began their rise in an era of kindness rather than ruthlessness.
So, your child is just a kid and this whole talk about leaders and CEO’s is great but how do you actually teach kindness to a 6 or 16-year-old so they get it.
The list of activities for promote kindness is extensive:
Donate items to charity organizations
Write thank you cards
Clear driveway from leaves or snow for a neighbor
Volunteer time
Bring flowers to an elderly person
Etc…
BUT none of these matter if there is no connection between the action and the person receiving the action. You can donate all the old clothes and toys you want - but if you don’t help your children to visualize who is being helped by this donation - then the donation just becomes a great place to get rid of your old stuff.
If you don’t help your to FEEL how grandma will feel when she gets the thank you card - then the thank you card is just a note so that grandma will send money again on the next holiday.🙁
You HAVE to help your children see and feel what the person on the other side might see and feel by receiving this bit of kindness. Help them to feel the joy that may come from these small acts. Have them think of the next bit of kindness they may be able to do. 🙌
As adults, bringing this much attention to kind acts feels a little contrite or fake. (Like the CEO who gives $ to make up for all the children they had sewing their products in foreign countries.) BUT if our children don’t see us doing the kindness, or don’t connect with it…they won’t understand that you actually feel it’s important.
How do we bring that out:
Kindness jar or list - everyone in the family adds to this. Write down things they did for others that they consider kind. BUT when adding to this jar or list they need to be able to share how it affected the other person. ✨
“I was nice to the checker at the grocery store. I bet she was nice to the people next in line which helped them to be nice to their families.”
“I held the door open at the library and smiled at the people going in. I think they went into the library in a good mood and picked out happier books.”
Talk about what others' kindness did for you. What did someone do for you that day that was kind and how did it make you feel?✨
Kindness rocks. I loved having my kids do this, plus its very engaging and quiet activity. Have your child paint kind words on rocks and leave them around the neighborhood for others to find. ✨
Write a letter to someone and actually mail it. Getting a letter in the mail is pretty exciting and very thoughtful since it takes so much more time and consideration than just sending a text or calling. ✨
Roll play. If you feel like your child may not quite be catching on to the empathy part, do some roll play of different scenarios. This could even be turned into a fun family play. ✨
While out on a walk bring a trash bag with you to pick up garbage (carefully please) to help our kids see that kindness extends beyond just people. ✨
Our kids see RIGHT through us. So if you lack the empathy and conviction behind your kind actions they’ll know it. Darn kids. Our actions speak way louder than the kindness jar. 👊
Society teaches us that talking about the kind things we’ve done sounds a little “braggy”. We should do random acts of kindness and stealthily go on our way. Yes, that’s true. AND great for our kids to see as well as getting to be co-conspirators in this kindness mission. But it is also important for our kids to recognize it and in order for some kids to see this you may have to be super blunt about it up front.
“I helped the neighbor find their cat. She was so happy and it made me feel pretty good to have helped.”
“During my drive today I let lots of cars in, because I know how hard it is to sit and wait. I really hope they were kind to other drivers because of that.”
Make it obvious until you can tell your child “gets it”. 👊
Remember, kindness is a skill. Some of our kids will just get it, but that’s likely because you’ve been modeling it all along. So your best bet is just get out there, be kind, let your kids see, and talk about it.
You got this!!! 🫶
