Teaching your child empathy
Empathy could be one of the most important things we help our kids to learn. Empathy helps us to relate to others. It helps us to create social connections, do good in this world, be a good leader, a good parent and helps us to see good in the world.
As we raise our little muffins into full fledged adults we want them to be able to build strong connections and understand how others are feeling. We want them to be able to actually engage with others and lay out the groundwork for a happy and successful life. Without empathy - these things cannot happen.
You remember that school bully? Mine was a red haired big kid - we’ll call him Blake. Blake was AWFUL. I don’t know what f$%ed up stuff happened to him as a child but my god he was bad. I’m sure a few of my peers from back in those days still carry the trauma from him. I know I’ve still got some stored in there. (I could write a whole book about Blake. Maybe I will someday.) But Blake lacked empathy. Blake lacked the ability to feel what anyone else felt. He only cared that he was on the top. As he literally put kids in the garbage can, he had no remorse. 🙁
When we don’t teach our kids empathy there is no connection to those around them. The only need for others is to gain something. How sad. For Blake, he gained perceived power by doing what he did to all of us. (Using my adult empathetic powers I’m sad for him cuz his life must have been awful.)
How do we teach empathy to our kids?
✨- Verbalize empathy. Allow your child to hear your empathy toward others - digging in to how it actually FEELS to have empathy without fixing the problem. (We naturally want to fix things - so try hard to take that out of this empathic step.) “I hear how you are hurting, I can imagine myself feeling that way”, “that little boy looks sad, it’s hard to feel sad”, “that person looks cold, oh I can feel how they must feel,” “look how happy she is, it feels so good to have a smile like that doesn’t it?”
✨ - Listen with an empathic ear. Teach your child the absolute importance of listening. We mostly listen to get just enough information to be able to interject our next thought. We often “check out” of listening to decide what needs to be said next. If you can teach your child the power of listening to listen, you will give them the world. Start by listening to sounds outdoors without even naming what they hear. Teach them by using 10 minutes of active listening. (Learn more here.)
✨ - Teach your child to find the good in people or how to relate to them in some way. Seeing a houseless person on the street you can make up their prior life story so that they see them as an actual person. If there is someone that they don’t get along with at school, help them to find some good qualities. Find a piece of art, an activity, a subject in school they don’t like but look deeper and find things they do like. Use examples from your own life. 💗
✨ - Reduce blame. This is powerful in creating an empathic take on the world. (AND we may need to take a hard look at our own words.) Using “I” statements is a good way to start to take responsibility for our feelings and actions. For example, say "I feel upset when the toys are left out" instead of "You never clean up your toys." This can help our children to connect with their feelings so that they can use those to empathize with others.
I am not suggesting that we encourage our children to put others before themselves - on the contrary - if they can empathize they can be a stronger person. 💪
Empathy helps them become better friends, siblings, and classmates.
Empathy helps kids understand the pain that bullying can cause and are more likely to stand up against it.
Kids who learn empathy are more likely to help others.
Empathy helps kids learn to listen, share their feelings, and solve conflicts peacefully.
Kids who practice empathy tend to be happier and less stressed.
Kids with empathy feel good about helping others and are more connected to the people around them.
You got this!!!🫶
