The Balance Between Quitting and Commitment
Your kiddo convinces you to sign them up for lacrosse. They want to do it so badly. So you sign them up, pay the fee, and buy the gear. The first practice comes, and the coach eases them in, teaching them how to handle the stick. They’ve got a few friends on the team, so that helps. The first match rolls around…they hate it. They want to quit and refuse to go to practice.
Or you finally got them into the six-week drawing class they've been begging for, and after a few classes, they change their mind and want to take pottery instead.
Or there are only a few games left in t-ball, and they decide it’s boring and they’d rather stay home in their jammies. Tantrums are thrown and fits are had.
Ugh!
It’s funny because both sides of this can be supported. You want your child to know that you support them and that when they know something is over, it’s time to be over. We want our children to know that we’ve got their back and that in life, we want them to fight for what they want. So, maybe we should give in. Plus, you're kinda tired of going to those Saturday morning games anyway. And honestly, they are not very good at drawing—so yeah—let’s quit.
Ugh again.
Seriously, parenting is hard because it’s all about adulting. And adulting tells us that we need to finish a commitment. Your kiddo committed to the coach and the team—a commitment that they would help play on the team for the season. There’s nothing like trying to coach a team that is slowly growing smaller and smaller so that games have to be forfeited toward the end of the season. (Been there, done that. Only once. Coaching is not my gig, thank you so much to those who do it.)
What do your kids learn from not quitting? These are kinda big life lesson stuff:
Responsibility Believe it or not, they figure out that their actions have consequences. They learn that being dependable is kind of a big deal.
Time Management Sticking to commitments means they might actually have to plan ahead. They start to get the hang of juggling tasks without turning into a stressed-out mess.
Perseverance Following through, even when things get tough, teaches them to keep going. They learn that quitting is the easy way out, and where’s the fun in that?
Integrity People start to believe they can actually follow through.
Self-Discipline Honoring commitments means they have to control themselves. They learn that maybe, just maybe, they can't always do whatever they want.
Consequences and Accountability It's a wake-up call that their actions affect other people too.
Problem-Solving Skills They learn to figure things out and find ways to stick to their commitments, no matter what.
Goal Setting and Achievement By completing tasks, they learn that setting goals and actually hitting them feels pretty darn good. Hello, confidence boost.
Empathy and Respect for Others They start to realize that other people’s time and efforts matter too. It’s not all about them, who would’ve thought?
Building Trusting Relationships When they prove they can be relied on, relationships improve. People actually start trusting them.
When we allow our kids to not complete the task they committed to, we teach them the opposite of all these things.
However, sometimes it is time to step away. If your child feels unsafe and you’ve gone to practice or that lesson to observe the situation. Sticking by your kid in this situation is powerful. Or heck, maybe that art class is overfull anyway and, in that case, the art teacher isn’t counting on your child.
And sometimes our kids just need to be heard and not fixed. Sometimes they just want to come home from practice and complain to you and tell you all the reasons they want to quit and just for you to hear them. Not tell them why they can’t quit but instead just to listen. Heck, we’ve all had days at work that we didn’t want to be there anymore, but we show up again the very next day.
If you hear them, let them vent, give them the space…they might just come back around. They might realize that they actually enjoy lacrosse once they get the hang of it, or that drawing class isn’t so bad after all. Sometimes, they just need a little time and understanding to work through their frustrations.
Finding the balance between quitting and commitment is tricky, but it’s an important part of teaching our kids resilience and responsibility. We want them to know they can come to us when they’re struggling, but also that they shouldn’t give up at the first sign of difficulty.
Encourage them to finish the season, the class, or the project. Remind them of the commitment they made and the importance of following through. At the same time, listen to their concerns and be supportive. It’s not about forcing them to stick with something they genuinely hate, but helping them learn the value of persistence and the satisfaction of accomplishment.
Balancing quitting and commitment is a nuanced dance, but with patience and understanding, you can guide your kiddos toward making decisions that build character and resilience.
You got this!
