Setting up or reducing screen time for our kids

My kids wanted phones so badly and I think I caved for them both at fourth grade. The push to wait hadn’t really begun yet with my son and was only just starting to take hold with my daughter. I reasoned with myself that they walked a lot of places and I wanted to know where they were. They both got a handed-down iPhone and their pocket screen journey began.

It was interesting that my son and his friends had all gotten them at about the same time. My daughter was the black sheep among her friends. She had a phone a few years before her friends. Interesting that for boys it was earlier - or had things already begun to shift?

If your kids are at the age of asking for a phone there are so many other options now. If you want to “keep track” of your kids there are so many other options. Bringing back to flip phone seems like a great idea to me. 

But if it’s time to set them up on a phone there are things you can set up right away that were life savers for my family. The iPhone at least has a lot of restrictions built in. Use them. Set up time restrictions right away as well as the restrictions for downloading new games. (They have to go through you.)

I’ve since learned other things that I wish I had known or had implemented. For the first year or more I would make the phone a utility. If you must then give them access to one game of your approval that has very limited time. They will likely find ways to work around these restrictions, but keeping all the other games off will give them less reason to sit and stare at the screen when they should be playing with friends. 

The other thing that I did was restrict any social media apps until 8th grade. And it was limited - I made the time restriction pretty short on these apps. These apps turned the phone into something that consume rather than create. It changes the dynamic totally. If you can hold off even longer from giving them access please do. 

Find times during the day that are screen free for the entire family. Dinner time the phones are set to the side, the hour before bed and during your morning routine. Your kids learn so much from you so if you can’t follow these “rules” neither will they. 

I listened to an amazing podcast with Dr.K (https://www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-180) and he had some GREAT advice for reducing screen time for adults as well as kids. He talks about screen adiction or ways to recognize a problem. And he also talks about ways to come back from being over-screened. 

He talks about how our dopamine is being hijacked by the quick feedback we get from screens and our kids are even more at risk. Games are made so interactive and so addictive that it’s an uphill battle. I may not have done such a great job at sheltering my own kids from screens, but they were at the forefront of games that were not nearly as addictive as they are now. 

He gave the advice of setting your phone down (turn the ringer on in case anyone needs to get a hold of you) and walk away. Go do something else. He said it would take time..I tried it yesterday. Granted I was sitting down to write, not doing something active. BUT I kept finding myself wanting to use the distraction of my phone while writing. It was a hard pill to swallow that I am uncomfortable without the distractions of my phone. (BTW I am very happy without my phone while physically active, gardening, working out….but apparently not while trying to get my brain to do something difficult.) 

It’s a hard hard choice you have to make. You want your child to live in this world - you want them to understand how to use technology but you also want them to grow up with social skills and a brain that is fine without contant hits of dopamine or lower levels like they might get from playing with friends or a good laugh with you. 

We can’t raise our kids as if this technology doesn’t exist because it does. What we can do is begin to bring it to them in ways that feel more controlled. Adding all the built-in restrictions as well as helping them to see the difference of interactive technology and consumable technology. Our brain LOVES the consumable so just be careful and watch the way you are using technology as well - they see what you do. If you scroll social media for an hour after work to “relieve stress” they will believe that is what they need to do too. 

You’ll find a way - but just like you wouldn’t allow your child to only drink soda all day -  you may have to work a little bit harder. 

You got this!!!